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Updates Wednesday and Saturday at 8:30 PM EST
[Unichat log --]
(13:36)ThatOneVampChick: Ahahaha! Oh, this brings a tear to my eye. Thanks, friend, I haven't laughed like that in weeks.
(13:36)__RSPTN__: I'm glad I could help. Do I get to ask what the matter is?
(13:37)ThatOneVampChick: Oh, nothing of any particular relevance. I guess I'm just... not really feeling the whole world domination thing right now.
(13:37)__RSPTN__: ?! Aww, Vamp, you're the only one here who actually stands a chance of beating me. What's the point of winning without a decent opponent?
(13:37)ThatOneVampChick: Heh. I suppose that would be a problem.
(13:38)__RSPTN__: Definitely! Hey, tell you what, I'll go start some [censored] in Crimea. Let's see if you can hold it without pissing off your pet president.
(13:39)ThatOneVampChick: Oooooh, I like that. Shall we negotiate RoE?
(13:44)__RSPTN__: I'm going to use my Gaian contacts - small force, no mechs, urban conflict.
(13:45)ThatOneVampChick: I suppose it's only sporting to respond in kind. Okay, I'll leave my artillery at home.
*(13:45)ThatOneVampChick hug*
*(13:45)__RSPTN__ is hugged*
(13:46)ThatOneVampChick: You do realize you're giving me a chance to come valiantly to the rescue and curry political favor with the locals, right?
(13:46)__RSPTN__: If you can force my hand enough. :)
(13:46)__RSPTN__: Hang on, Gods is querying me.
(13:47)ThatOneVampChick: Washed-out old fuddy-duddy. Fine, I'll be over here scheming.
[Unichat log --]
/query __RSPTN__

(13:46)System: Initiating private chat with active user __RSPTN__.
(13:48)__RSPTN__: Yo, Gods.
(13:48)GodsOfOlympus: You don't know it yet, but you're about to start a fight with Theo.
(13:48)__RSPTN__: Again?
(13:48)GodsOfOlympus: I've received intelligence that he's planning an operation on the Indian ocean. I'd like you to interfere.
(13:48)__RSPTN__: I suppose I could. What's in it for me?
(13:49)GodsOfOlympus: A puzzle.
(13:49)__RSPTN__: ...
(13:49)__RSPTN__: You dammit, you know me too well.
(13:50)GodsOfOlympus: The target is the destroyer Сатирический. I'm unsure of his attack vector. That will be up for you to determine.
(13:50)__RSPTN__: Oooooooooh.
(13:50)__RSPTN__: (What kind of a name is that, anyway?)
(13:51)GodsOfOlympus: Does it mean something?
(13:51)__RSPTN__: Yeah, it'd be the Satirical in English.
(13:52)GodsOfOlympus: Regardless. The ship is carrying cargo of interest to me. I don't think Theo is aware of this, but regardless, his attack does contradict with my own interests.
(13:53)__RSPTN__: I'm not sure how I feel about that. I don't dislike you, but I'm not terribly fond of the way you try to police our little game. My guess is that your cargo's going to help you do that.
(13:54)GodsOfOlympus: Then you'll help me to avoid repercussions of your involvement in the Nauticus incident.
(13:55)__RSPTN__: :/ I was mind-controlled by Vampire at the time, we've been over this.
(13:56)GodsOfOlympus: I didn't believe that at the time and I certainly don't believe it now that Theo has confirmed it.
(13:57)__RSPTN__: ...[censored].
(13:59)GodsOfOlympus: I am a person of justice, Rasputin, by my own definition. You know this. Your attack on me violates that sense of justice. I define rescuing this warship sufficient reparations.
(13:59)__RSPTN__: Yeah, okay, I'll do it. What sort of timeline are we looking at?
(14:00)GodsOfOlympus: I estimate his attack will take place at least three days from now. The Сатирический will dock seven days after that, and if he doesn't attack during that time, I will consider your duty complete.
(14:01)__RSPTN__: Got it. Anything else?
(14:01)GodsOfOlympus: No.
(14:01)System: User __RSPTN__ has left the channel.
[Unichat log --]
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[Unichat auxiliary records --]
Xenocartographer (Official Note): Hey, heads-up! I've gotten some feedback that the Thursday-Tuesday wait is obnoxiously long, and frankly I'd like to get things moving a little faster, so I'm going to add Saturday to our update schedule. The next Unichat update will be 1 April, 2017. I'll also use Saturday updates to try out things a little different than normal updates - eg. Unichat patch notes, or A Failure to Communicate-style pages.

Stay tuned!
Seabiscuit: Yup, I most definitely ship this to the extreme... Man, GOO seems like he just wants to troll or destroy all the players in his own way. edit delete reply
Dellis: Ok, that's final.

I'm asking Vamp to marry me.

Sweet, smart, vampire, hexes people... and makes WAFFLES! xD

/message ThatOneVampChick Please marry me, I've loved you all my life. You and your waffles edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: She's clearly taken already GOSH edit delete reply
Dellis: What?!? Did I miss something? She's taken?!? You're breaking my heart! Don't do this to me! xD edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: Rasputin Vampire OTP

edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: I can neither confirm nor deny that Becky's shipping inclinations match canon. edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: GYAH! Something I shoulda noticed but I AM SO DENSE. All the Pwnz have numbers in their names, I figured "our" Pwnz would be the third one- BUT NO, HES 'NUMBER' 0 edit delete reply
Dellis: I didn't even notice the numbers were sequential xD I'm denser it seems xD edit delete reply
RavenZeroak: note also how names itself evolve along the numbers:
-Pwnz0rs aka base form
-pwnz1ng aka evolved form
-pwnz2much aka even higher evolution edit delete reply
Arbiter: Hey Xeno, I wanted to ask you something. You've linked TvTropes quite a few times in the past, so I think I can be excused for doing it this once. Did you know that this very comic has a TvTropes page? Yay, exposure! Did you also know it's super confusing? Boo, confusion! Seriously, what's going on with this page? It keeps referencing events that haven't happened and characters that haven't appeared (yet), and it seems to be flat-out wrong in a few places, like where it says meta's dad has no username (his username is Mr. E, isn't it? Good pun, by the way.) I'm not asking you to change the article or anything like that, but do you know why the article is so inaccurate? I actually found this comic through TvTropes, and while I'm certainly glad I came here, I kept wondering where some of the plot points the article mentioned are. Did I miss something? edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: There was a previous iteration of Unichat, which is something of an old shame because it kinda sucked. Cleaning up the TvTropes page is on my radar.

(I've taken the liberty of repairing your link formatting and removed subsequent comments about it.) edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: Update: I've revamped the page and moved it to the Web Original namespace while I was at it (with a redirect, of course). edit delete reply
Arbiter: Holy crap, you literally just fixed everything! edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: Heh, not everything - I'm sure there are many tropes I missed, if nothing else. Fortunately, this is a wiki, if you catch my drift~ edit delete reply
Arbiter: I just read the new TvTropes page, and it makes much more sense. I wasn't expecting you to go on there and fix the article, but I really appreciate that you did! And thanks for cleaning up the mess of comments I left too, which I, as a guest, could not do myself. edit delete reply
KittenLicks: Maybe the jokes going down today have made me cynical, but am I the only one that is suspect about Xeno's decision to put up a comic -specifically- on the first of April? I've got my eye on you, Xeno. :) edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: I have no idea what you're talking about. edit delete reply
eekee: Turning them on each other? I liked Theo. Oh well, he was willing to take down the ship, and keeping this chess club under control is probably a good thing. // Also "your pet president". Not sure if that thing the other day makes more sense or less now. edit delete reply