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Updates Wednesday and Saturday at 8:30 PM EST
[Unichat log --]

/join #vague-omnipresent-council

(14:44)System: Now joining #vague-omnipresent-council.


System: Users in #vague-omnipresent-council:

Steve The Mew Hunter

Xenocartographer (AWAY)

Seabiscuit (AWAY)




etamnanki (dont listen to it)

(14:45)Steve The Mew Hunter: Depending on what happens, I may end up joining the Heathen cause.

(14:45)Steve The Mew Hunter: I've been trying to stay out of it, but the stunt of the Sans kinda pulled me in.

(14:45)Steve The Mew Hunter: Anyways, I'm just giving you fair warning because I do believe you have a noble cause as well, and I also had a question for you.

(14:45)Steve The Mew Hunter: How did it feel when things started spiraling out of control?

(14:46)Steve The Mew Hunter: How did it feel when the monkeys started trying to take over the zoo?

(14:46)Steve The Mew Hunter: Anyways, good luck with everything. :)

(??:??)System: User Xenocartographer is now ACTIVE.

(??:??)Xenocartographer: Wait!

(14:46)Steve The Mew Hunter: Why hello there.

(??:??)Xenocartographer: I need you.

(14:47)Steve The Mew Hunter: What's the deal with your timestamps?

(??:??)Xenocartographer: It's a protocol GodsOfOlympus put in place to mitigate exochronal influences upon the timeline.

(??:??)Xenocartographer: The metapresent instance of Xenocartographer is responding to a crisis. You'll have to deal with this one.

(??:??)Xenocartographer: You may refer to me as Naomi if you wish to be explicit.

(14:48)Steve The Mew Hunter: I see. And my question?

(??:??)Xenocartographer: Feelings don't translate across noospheres particularly well (and trying to encode a raw text stream would yield gibberish).

(14:49)Steve The Mew Hunter: So you're not going to answer me? I could go join the Heathen channel.

(??:??)Xenocartographer: You have to give me some time to get my thoughts in a form that can survive transmission.

(14:50)Steve The Mew Hunter: Sure. So why's Seabiscuit here?

(??:??)Xenocartographer: The situation with her is complex, and not just because we're a couple. It's in my interests that she be part of both groups.

(??:??)Xenocartographer: Though "group" is overstating it in our case. Before you joined, it was just the two of us.

(14:50)Steve The Mew Hunter: I haven't joined anything yet. What about Anarchon?

(??:??)Xenocartographer: An early warning system against certain kinds of attacks. He's unaware that he's here.

(14:51)Steve The Mew Hunter: How can someone not notice they're logged into a chat channel?

(??:??)Xenocartographer: Because this is a projection of an Etamnanki dream construct upon a noosphere that cannot adequately translate the relevant memes. That's how I can talk to you right now, and why timeline-local operators haven't launched any successful intrusions.

(14:53)Steve The Mew Hunter: ...

(??:??)Xenocartographer: Does the name Hari Seldon mean anything to you?

(14:54)Steve The Mew Hunter: I don't think so?

(??:??)Xenocartographer: He's worth looking up. I have to hit a very narrow target for my objectives to be completed, so I've spent several decades preparing contingencies. Nonetheless, hemorrhaging allies quite so quickly has been disheartening.

(??:??)Xenocartographer: Did that come through clearly?

(14:57)Steve The Mew Hunter: What are your objectives?

(??:??)Xenocartographer: Again, please hold.

(14:58)System: User Stargazer is joining #vague-omnipresent-council.

(14:58)Stargazer: Hello there. I'd like to let you know, I am at your service. Not all of us agree with the 'Heathen Traitors', as they call themselves, and it would be a pleasure to help you out with that little problem.

(??:??)Xenocartographer: Interesting. Do I have a council again?

(??:??)Xenocartographer: I believe my answer is ready.

(14:59)Steve The Mew Hunter: Go ahead.

(??:??)Xenocartographer: 73 years ago, I was given orders that would ensure a form of human survival. My own existence is contingent upon execution of those orders.

(??:??)Xenocartographer: In time, I learned what that "form of survival" truly means. And I have rejected it.

(??:??)Xenocartographer: And so I found a loophole. The Vague Omnipresent Council represents an implementation of that loophole.

(??:??)Xenocartographer: Arbiter and his followers have been ensnared by machinations they can't yet understand. No Xenocartographer instance truly blames them.

(??:??)Xenocartographer: The fact remains, however, that I am trying to navigate human existence between two unacceptable outcomes. Secrecy has brought me this far, but perhaps it's time for another approach.

(??:??)Xenocartographer: Before I reveal anything more, however, understand this:

(??:??)Xenocartographer: The implementation of my objectives is not particularly palatable, and understanding is hard. You won't be able to un-learn it.

(??:??)Xenocartographer: This is your chance to turn back.

Leave a comment
[Unichat auxiliary records --]
Xenocartographer (Official Note): Apologies to anyone who saw this get uploaded a couple times - I ran into a weird issue with the macro for the /users list, which for some reason didn't manifest on my test site. Such is life.
Xenocartographer (Official Note): Aaaaaaand somewhere along the line, Steve The Mew Hunter became simply "Steve", and with the wrong chat color. That's also been fixed.
Steve the Mew hunter: Wow... this is interesting... I'm gonna have to read this over a few times and think things through before I decide. However, I think you might just have a new ally. I'm even mostly fine with nuking Australia. Once I'm less busy, you'll have my answer. edit delete reply
Steve the Mew hunter: I've been putting the search function of this comic through the ringer, and wow, if there was ever a time I've hated the greater good more than now, FUCK IF I KNOW! I can't believe it, but I'm now 100% on board with nuking Australia, and I've resigned myself to the greater good. Arbiter, Sans, I hope you guys can crawl us out of the mess I'm seeing. In any case, I'm tieing my butt to team Xeno, and hoping Naomi can map us a way out of damnation.

this is gonna be so much fun XD edit delete reply
Xylas_Incarnum: (overly delayed I know)..... Right, so GodsOfOlympus is literal.... Hey which way to Valhalla? I seem to have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque. The big man over there owes me money. edit delete reply
Turquoise: Wait if that's the case then when did I actively join the traitors? edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: Honestly, Xeno's being something of a drama queen here. edit delete reply
Steve the Mew hunter: /join #vague-omnipresent-council
I've taken the time to think about it, and I have a few conditions you must meet if you wish me to truly be a part of your council.
First, I will not interact with Pancake. I have a feeling you know why this is. If not, just trust me on it.
Second, we have to try and keep casualties to a minimum.
Third, I intent to try and help the Heathens with helping Sonja and her friends. You may be able to sway me to hard focus on helping you with your cause, depending. This doesn't mean I'll be part of their cause, just, helping them out with a few things from time to time, if they meet my conditions for them.
Fourth, I... uh... could use some help figuring out how the heck to work the Unichat bio pages. Sometimes technology is hard, and usually I'm a fast learner, but Unichat is just sooooo, ARG... you know? edit delete reply
Steve the Mew hunter: This is me wanting to input my own bio page. Because I'm a dork. 8B edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: I've been R&Ding a feature to let people do that. If there's demand for it, it wouldn't be that tricky to implement. edit delete reply
Steve the Mew hunter: Ooooooooh. Also thanks for fixing the consistency with my chat verse username and coloration. edit delete reply
Arbiter: Would also like to be able to modify the bio page. Arby isn’t going to take your slander lying down! ;P edit delete reply
Steve the Mew hunter: I don't know if Heathens get bio editing rights. edit delete reply
Steve the Mew hunter: ~one hour after giving the conditions

/message Xenocartographer
I just did a painful amount of research.
I hope you have some damn good loopholes, otherwise I may have to give up condition three.
I hate everything.
Count me the shist in.
Let's go save everyone. edit delete reply
Ravencorp: Son of a biscuit, are we being psycho-historied? I hate it when that happens. edit delete reply
CONNECT 1200: Best chance for it to work would be with people who don't know they're being psychohistoried.

So we most likely aren't but it tingles anyway. edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: Also, it only works reliably (within the Foundation fiction, anyway) on large populations. edit delete reply
CONNECT 1200: At least once it was also used to predict a single person's behaviour IIRC. The guy who sent the gang to Terminus if I'm not mistaken. edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: I always interpreted that scene as Seldon just showing off. edit delete reply
CONNECT 1200: Maybe not. After all, the whole scheme worked just fine. edit delete reply
Arbiter: /join #vague-omnipresent-jury
Okay, so I assume that most of you have seen Steve’s conversation with Xeno.
(Or I guess we’re supposed to call her Naomi when her timestamps are all freaky? IDFK.)
Anyway, I wanted to address a couple of things. First of all, you aren’t my “followers”, and I’m not your leader. I’m just a loudmouth who hates the system.
And secondly, according to Xenaomi, we’ve been “ensnared by machinations [we] can’t yet understand.”
Now I’m sure there are plenty of machinations out there I don’t understand. I’m not even sure I understand what a machination is. But I do know this:
Every year in Tenochtitlan, hundreds of Aztecs were sacrificed for the “greater good” of keeping the sun god alive. But when the empire fell, the sun still rose the next day.
And now Xeno thinks that we need to sacrifice millions of Australians for the “greater good” of... what? “Navigating human existence between two unacceptable outcomes”? Why is a continent-sized thermonuclear detonation an “acceptable outcome”? When Australia is a sheet of scorched rock and the oceans are all full of irradiated fish who will look back and say, “Well thank god that happened”?
There is no “greater good”, there is only good. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to let an entire continent get destroyed in order to appease some nebulously-defined bogeyman that’ll just rear its ugly head again as soon as the next generation of “the end is nigh” nutjobs show up.
If any of you believe her and want to switch sides, I won’t stop you. I won’t even cuss you out.
But I’m not buying it, and I swear to god I’ll save those people even if I have to evacuate the country with a fucking rowboat. Xeno’s machinations can ensnare my ass. edit delete reply
Arbiter: OOC: In the long run, I think it’s more than likely that Arbiter is going to end up as some kind of good-intentioned villain, because Xeno is probably right that this really is the best thing for humanity. But I’m willing to take on that role, and if the plot demands it (which I’m almost positive it does) I’m definitely willing to lose. edit delete reply
Ravencorp: Our conflict with Xeno seems to boil down to that of deontologists versus utilitarians. Xeno maintains that Australia is a sacrifice for the greater good, we heathens are of the opinion that such means cannot be justified, whatever the ends. Quite interesting. edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: Aww, Arby, I'm disappointed. Not that you're a heathen traitor; we already knew that. But you always struck me as the type to obsessively click on links. edit delete reply
Arbiter: But for real, unless I’m so goddamn stupid that I missed not one, but two Easter eggs, I don’t think that any of the information on that page would be enough to change Arbiter’s mind. But now I’m worried that I’ve missed something, because my little R~O~U~S~I~N~G S~P~E~E~C~H up there was enough to tip you off that I hadn’t read it yet...
Also just noticed that the Conspiracy of Light page is number 69 and it gets accessed on 4/20 LMAO. edit delete reply
FallenLeaves: Well, I've just (finally) found the authcode to one of the wiki pages. Seriously, you have no idea how much time I've spent on these.
Full post on the forum, though remember you have to be logged in to see it. edit delete reply
Steve the Mew hunter: Good job. With that we have at least 2 authcodes. However, it looks like now we need a lot more. How deep does this rabbit hole go? edit delete reply
Arbiter: We have 3, last I counted. edit delete reply
FallenLeaves: We have 3 and I know of 6 we don't have, though I should add that so far each new one has added more than one we don't know. I think it's impossible to know at this point how many more there are. I swear the Gaia one is driving me slowly insane.
Information here. Spoilers, of course. edit delete reply
Steve the Mew hunter: We need a fkn flow chart to keep track. edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: So many eggs... And answers for once from ??Xeno?!?!

I'm still curious why she's ok with ComicSea talking to the traitors but being in her chat at the same time
The situation is complex?? edit delete reply
Temp Shoulder Angel: /join #vague-omnipresent-jury

Hello! Greetings! Call me Temp! Or if you prefer Angel. A friend told me about this little club and I've been reading through it's history for a couple of days. Hope I can help. I know most of you don't really know me well but I hope you'll trust me when I say I have good intentions. edit delete reply
Stargazer: /message Xenocartographer
How shall we proceed? Or rather, how do you instruct me to proceed? edit delete reply
Sewer_Rat: /join #the-neutral-grounds
/invite --channel=#vague-omnipresent-council
/invite --channel=#vague-omnipresent-jury
/invite --channel=#moon-butt
/invite OITHEOI
/invite Admiral Pancake
/invite ThatOneVampChick
/invite __RSPTN__
/invite MrE
/invite Vladamir_Orlov
/invite GodsofOlympus

Hi. I bet you are all wondering why I have gathered you all here today... um, I hope that we can all have a polite discussion of the current situation we all find ourselves in. We all may have different means, but I believe that deep down we all share a similar goal. There has been a lot of back-and-forth between many of us... and it's time we took the time to talk openly and honestly about how we can possibly solve this together.


(OOC: oh sweet baby J, I hope I didn't just perma-ban this name) edit delete reply
Guest: /message Sewer Rat
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!?!? edit delete reply
Guest: Wait, I'm not logged in... This was Steve. edit delete reply
Steve the Mew hunter: Now logged in, and confirming, this is me. edit delete reply
Ravencorp: Good luck with that, these folks are about as open as Fort Knox. edit delete reply
SansTheComic: holy crap why would you do this we're all screwed edit delete reply
Arbiter: Realistically, if this does make it into the comic, it will probably be pretty underwhelming, because most of the parties here already have a general idea of who the others are and what they stand for. Any alliances that were going to form most likely already have. But I like your moxie, and I can’t let an opportunity like this pass me by without doing anything.
/join #the-neutral-grounds
We all share a common goal, eh?
Unpopular opinion: large-scale loss of human life is a bad thing.
Sorry. I’ll see myself out.
^D edit delete reply
Pixelknight: /join #the-neutral-grounds
Well, i'll speak up then.

First off, forget about killing us "Strangers"
Or anyone else in the omnipresent council.

We DO live in a different universe after all.

The best you can do is ban us. Upon which we'll just come back in a different name.

Can any of you explain to us why most of you guys are trying to beat the absolute crap out of Australia? (Or around it.)

I'd rather not have millions of people killed. edit delete reply
Pixelknight: /message Xenocartographer
So, can you explain why we have to "Sacrifice" Australia?

If it truly does help more people in the long run. I'll help you out.

Don't expect me to crack any riddles though. Or hack anything. edit delete reply
Temp Shoulder Angel: /message System
Hello! edit delete reply
Steve the Mew hunter: Seeing as Xeno didn't update on Wednesday, it looks like I'm going to have to act upon my idea ahead of time...

/alias --alias=EmeraldAngelic
/message etamnanki Greetings, Herald of Hope
/message etamnanki I wish to sing for you, if you'll hear me
/message --file=Shower_of_Emotions.wav etamnanki edit delete reply
Steve the Mew hunter: And yes, I actually wrote music. edit delete reply
Arbiter: You’re more indigo than I am and you make better music than I do. Are you trying to show me up? :P
But for real, this is really good. It’s kind of nice not to be alone in the fan music game. edit delete reply
Steve the Mew hunter: Arby, buddy, I'm not trying to show you up. That would imply I haven't succeeded at it already. You see, I already have shown you up, and it's only a matter of time before everyone realizes who the better indigo music maker is. And then I can safely eliminate you permanently.

Nah. Actually, I made this piece of music on a whim when it just started being in my head, and I was like "OK, I'm going to do something with this." And I wouldn't say I make better music than you, I've heard your stuff, it's P-good. edit delete reply
Arbiter: :)
Just out of curiosity, what do you use to make music? I’ve been shopping around for a new DAW and I was wondering if you had any suggestions. edit delete reply
Steve the Mew hunter: The first free program I liked that I found via a google search, this one called MuseScore 2. edit delete reply
Arbiter: Oh, okay. Well this certainly shows that you don’t need to break the bank on a really fancy program in order to make good music. Most of my stuff was done with GarageBand, and it’s been doing a good enough job so far. Might need to try something else for some of my newer projects though. edit delete reply
Steve the Mew hunter: It's probably not the best program, but it did what I was looking for at the time. And was free. edit delete reply
LightBringer: Huh... the update schedule says wed/sat, but it's been a week... what's up with that? edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: Just a busier Naomi than I'd generally like. :/ edit delete reply