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Updates Wednesday and Saturday at 8:30 PM EST
[Unichat log --]

(20:47)System: This log is being accessed with automatic translation.

(19:22)АльбинаХаритонова: Commander, where the hell are the 147th?

(19:23)АлексейФилатов: En route to mission coordinates, sir!

(19:23)АльбинаХаритонова: Why wasn't I informed of this?

(19:25)АльбинаХаритонова: I want answers, Commander!

(19:26)АлексейФилатов: Sir?

(19:28)АльбинаХаритонова: An entire squadron is missing and I DEMAND to know why!

(19:32)АлексейФилатов: Respectfully, is this a test? The 147th launched on your orders.

(19:33)АльбинаХаритонова: WHAT?

(19:35)АльбинаХаритонова: Commander, I gave no such order.

(19:36)АлексейФилатов: Of course not, sir. I suppose I should have the infirmiry look me over.

(19:38)АльбинаХаритонова: No.

(19:39)АлексейФилатов: Sir?

(19:40)АльбинаХаритонова: Commander, did I... give you secret orders off the record?

(19:41)АльбинаХаритонова: You're not in trouble and this isn't a secret test of loyalty. Answer me truthfully.

(19:41)АлексейФилатов: You did, sir.

(19:43)АльбинаХаритонова: хуёво.

(19:44)АлексейФилатов: Yes, sir.

(19:46)АльбинаХаритонова: Where were they headed and why?

(19:46)АлексейФилатов: Melbourne, Australia, sir. You claimed a spy among the Gaians told us about a weapon they were deploying there.

(19:49)АльбинаХаритонова: Recall the 147th and begin lockdown as soon as the order has been confirmed. Start thought-attack protocols. No one is to go anywhere or do anything alone. All flights are immediately grounded.

(19:50)АльбинаХаритонова: I'm relieving myself of command until a specialist verifies that I'm not permanently compromised.

(19:51)АльбинаХаритонова: Please acknowledge.

(19:52)АльбинаХаритонова: Commander, please acknowledge.

(19:52)АльбинаХаритонова: [untranslatable - keystrokes consistent with unintended object impacting keyboard]

[Unichat log --]

(19:53)ThatOneVampChick: Sorry, bit of a close call with the Russian plane thing.

(19:53)__RSPTN__: It's alright, it happens. Do you intend to test on this Sans person?

(19:53)ThatOneVampChick: Heh. Don't tell him this, but I already have.

(19:53)__RSPTN__: And?

(19:53)ThatOneVampChick: I had a friend back in grad school who liked brewing their own drinks. I may have sampled a few of them...

(19:53)ThatOneVampChick: The last time I had a headache like that was when dear Les tried their hand at brandy. :/

(19:54)__RSPTN__: Hmph. That's inconvenient.

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[Unichat auxiliary records --]
Xenocartographer (Official Note): Why is the Russian military using Unichat for their internal communications? Writing isn't about "why"! It's about "why not"! Why does the entire world revolve around this one particular chat client? Why not marry plausible comms protocols if you like them so much! In fact, how about you write a special narratively consistent comic that won't... y'know, riffing off Cave Johnson is harder than it seems.
SansTheComic: aww, i was looking forward to trying out my - or should i say, our - failsafe. well, doesn't look like we'll get to see it happen, so i'll let my friend explain what would have happened. edit delete reply
UndergroundSans: so way, way back, when we first learned about mind control, the three of us realised it would be really, really bad if someone mind controlled one of the Council. they'd have access to all the logs we do, have a mole in our ranks and possibly be able to try and take over the time we're in. also, the mind controlled person would, y'know, have been mind controlled, which isn't fun for anyone. so we created the Imperium Protocol. edit delete reply
SansFinalGuardian: basically, we agreed that if one of us was at risk of being mind controlled, we'd go to their house and cut off their internet, take turns watching them and essentially trying to limit how much damage they could potentially do. then we thought of a cool latiny-sounding name and stuck protocol on the end. :P edit delete reply
Arbiter: I fucking knew there had to be a reason there were so many Sans-es in the Unichat comments section! Looking like one of those Undertale AU crossover thingies whose fanmade soundtracks keep getting recommended to me on YouTube and SoundCloud that are always so frustratingly well-done in comparison to my shit.
That would have been a pretty cool gambit, it’s too bad we didn’t get to see it come into play. It is nice to know we can’t be mind-controlled though, and more evidence that we’re non-local entities. edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: That's actually pretty fucking brilliant. edit delete reply
SansTheComic: /alias whydoibotheryoucanseethroughit
/message ThatOneVampChick stop that. -_- edit delete reply
Arbiter: So, Vampire mind-controlled the guy to prevent him from calling off the attack? So that means that Xeno, Delta, Pancake, Rasputin, AND Vampire are all trying to make bad stuff happen to Australia. (Maybe Gods too, it’s hard to tell with him.) Either way, that’s a pretty formidable matchup. Jesus, is anyone on the “hey, let’s maybe not kill millions of people like total assholes at every fucking opportunity” side besides us? edit delete reply
Pixelknight: Depends on whether or not a 'Shadow' Council member like me counts.

And by 'Shadow' Council, i mean anyone who has commented but not participating in the story. edit delete reply
Arbiter: You can be our moral support. :) edit delete reply
Pixelknight: It seems the Russian military has a classic case of focusing too much on whether or not they could. They didn't stop to think whether or not they should. (Use Unichat as their comm-sys)

But why does everyone want to bomb Australia? I know it's quite close to being a death continent. But the fauna isn't that bad... Right?

Can someone just PM a few of those dudes to NOT bomb Australia? edit delete reply
CONNECT 1200: That's got to be a "private" copy of Unichat. The "real" one censors out much less tabooed words than the one used here. edit delete reply
Arbiter: According to Google Translate, that word, which is apparently Russian for “fuck”, is also the Tajik word for “service”. Which I think is pretty funny. edit delete reply
CONNECT 1200: The latter, I think, is a result of somebody using the 'improve this translation' function Just For Fun. Backward translation doesn't confirm it. Many people in Tajikistan still know Russian to a degree, and I can easily believe that service sucks there :) edit delete reply