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Updates Wednesday and Saturday at 8:30 PM EST
[Unichat log --]
(07:13)__RSPTN__: We've got a problem.
(09:24)System: User Unum_Relicuum is now ACTIVE.
(09:24)Unum_Relicuum: Have your prophets acted against us?
(09:25)__RSPTN__: No. I assisted one of them in interdicting a maneuver on Pancake's part and was sent a cake.
(09:25)__RSPTN__: Did you just wake up? It's been all over the newsnets.
(09:28)Unum_Relicuum: Gaia preserve...
(09:29)__RSPTN__: I wasn't briefed on that part of the plan.
(09:31)Unum_Relicuum: HOW?!
(09:31)__RSPTN__: I don't know.
(09:33)Unum_Relicuum: This is most alarming...
(09:34)__RSPTN__: Eugene Panak's presence as a mundane threat has been crippled, while he still retains his nonlocal capabilities. In his place, we have whatever the hell happened on the Griddle.
(09:34)__RSPTN__: The following weeks will surely be... chaotic. We could benefit greatly if we can direct it.
(09:35)__RSPTN__: But we still have a problem. Gaia has begun to test my shatterpoint.
(09:36)Unum_Relicuum: [censored].
(09:36)Unum_Relicuum: You're certain?
(09:37)__RSPTN__: It's exactly as the wiki foretold. My agents within Orlov's security forces have reported orders to exterminate Gaians on sight.
(09:38)__RSPTN__: They'll turn some of the faithful. With spies of their own, I won't last long.
(09:39)Unum_Relicuum: This couldn't have happened at a worse time. If we're to come out ahead over Pancake's defeat, I need my best commander alive!
(09:39)__RSPTN__: Please, don't flatter me. I'm nothing special on the military front.
(09:40)Unum_Relicuum: But you see possibilities no one else does. Your faith has given you exceptional insights. And you have taken your foretold demise with true conviction.
(09:40)Unum_Relicuum: As for why Gaia would choose this moment, I am at a loss. What is It trying to tell us?
(09:41)__RSPTN__: Perhaps this is our test - when our universe stands before judgment and is found worthy. If so, I have an idea.
(09:42)Unum_Relicuum: Name it. Please.
(09:44)__RSPTN__: We know, from the wiki, that the shatterpoint of my death is to happen shortly after my capture, and that I am captured roughly two months after Orlov's round-ups start. Therefore, I should enjoy some measure of protection until mid-December. You think that I am particularly important to Gaia; therefore, It should be particularly willing to intervene throughout that time.
(09:44)Unum_Relicuum: I concur.
(09:45)__RSPTN__: How would you like a cosmically lucky double agent within Orlov's command staff?
(09:48)Unum_Relicuum: Exceptional insights indeed. Oh, bravo, Ashley! Truly, Gaia speaks to you as a parent to Its child.
(09:48)__RSPTN__: Then it's decided, then?
(09:49)Unum_Relicuum: We'll have to confer with the other commanders on how to best implement your plan, but I see the potential. And I'm sure they will as well.
(09:49)Unum_Relicuum: The timing permits nothing else but that this is the will of Gaia.
(09:50)__RSPTN__: :)
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[Unichat auxiliary records --]
Xenocartographer (Official Note): In other news, more Unichat music from Arbiter!
Arbiter: Fsjdhenzjdvsj Moon Girl got mentioned in an Official Note I’m so fucking happy aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh
Anyway, has anybody else noticed how weird it is that the most popular and well-liked member of the Chess Club is a high-ranking member of a violent apocalypse cult? Rasputin’s all like, “Why yes UR I do wholeheartedly wish to ensure the inescapable will of Cthulhu the World Eater is fulfilled, shall we go blow something up?” and we’re all like, “Oh, Raspy, you scamp! <3” and go back to squeeing about how he and a mind-controlling vampchick who works for the Russian government make the best couple ever in the history of the (soon-to-be-destroyed) universe. And then Theo temporarily kidnaps one dude and Gods just talks to some vaguely menacing grey weirdos and doesn’t let us swear and we’re all like, “Wow, fuck them, am I right? Let’s take every opportunity we get to ruin their day.”
Okay, so maybe it’s mostly me who does those things but still. edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: -SNERK-

He might be a chess club member but dangit he is loveable

Pancake, meanwhile, is just a dick weed edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: Haha, well, Rasputin's involvement has mostly been off-screen. Like, yeah, he's probably killed a lot of people, but we haven't actually seen it happen, so it feels less personal. There's also the implication that Gaia's a necessary evil, making Rasputin's morality greyer than, say, Pancake's.

And he's certainly easier to relate to than the others. Here's a tidbit for you: All five of the chess club have some experience by Etamnanki, and of them, Rasputin and Vampire integrated the experience the best. As a result, they have more of an actual personality. edit delete reply
Arbiter: Are we counting Gods or MrE as the fifth member? edit delete reply
Wildcat: You say this, and my immediate reaction is "Holy **** MrE is Gods" O.O
I can't decide how likely I think that is. You tease O.O
Maybe Gods is an Etemnanki clone? edit delete reply
Arbiter: If the Chess Club are the Beatles, then MrE is Pete Best (because he left before they got famous) and Gods is Jimmy Tarbuck (because he walks, talks, and acts like them but isn’t really a member.) edit delete reply
CONNECT 1200: You're beginning to talk just like a Vorlon. edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: The avalanche has already begun. It is too late for the pebbles to vote. edit delete reply
Ravencorp: Hmm, this may be an opportunity for my experiment on just how much we can influence this locale. edit delete reply
RavenZeroak: hmm, I think I see opportunity...
/message VladmirOrlovOfficial Hi,you may not know me but I'm as interested as you to oust these gaians, hence I tip you this: http://unichat.cfw.me/comics/141/ edit delete reply
FallenLeaves: I have to say, I'm still only slowly realising just how powerful (though dangerous) use of shatterpoints could be. Though I'm not quite convinced, here, that his capture is as impossible as he thinks it is. The problem is, of course, even if we wanted to I would advise caution in testing any of these theories, as, well, I'd rather the world didn't end. edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: You can test theories here without ending the world early. It would take a lot to mess up Rasputin's shatterpoint. (His particular plan for that shatterpoint is a different matter, but breaking that isn't apocalyptic.) edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: Aw, he got my cake~~
I wonder how that pm with vampire went -snerk-

I wonder if there's anything we can do to help Rasputin out >:
Not avoid the shatter point, or anything, but in any sort of bucket list he might have...

also him and vampire totally need a ship name edit delete reply
Wildcat: Seabiscuit, you and your cake and Rasputin's reaction are amazing.
Say, what would happen if we clone Rasputin? Then he could die to fulfill the shatterpoint, and still live at the same time! edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: Haha! :)

Dude that's a good question!! Is cloning possible? Wait of course it is, there's all these personality clones... I wonder if it would work on Rasputin? I mean, he's more suited to etamnanki apparently edit delete reply
Arbiter: I hope Etamnanki cloning works differently from regular cloning, because I’m not signing up to take care of that little theocrat until he’s old enough to legally vote himself into office. edit delete reply
Padlock: /message Admiral_Pancake Oh, foiled yet again are we? Maybe one of your interdenominational friends can buy you a new space station! I don't mean to tease, but, "The Griddle," really? A little on-the-nose, don't you think?
/message Admiral_Pancake I'd love to chat more, buuuut I have a self-proclaimed ~space wizard~ to congratulate on defeating your sorry [censored] with just a few lines of code... quite impressive. 'Laters P-Cake.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
/message SonjaOfTheMoon You have lost me my most valuable asset, I apologize that my attempt at your rescue took longer than anticipated, but were such... dramatic... means of escape entirely necessary? All of my plans must be rewritten now, do you know how much of my work you have destroyed in your little stunt?
. . .
/message SonjaOfTheMoon Oh, but I haven't even properly introduced myself... edit delete reply
((Delta)): /message SonjaOfTheMoon Greetings Sonja, I am ((Delta)). I wish you congratulations on your newly discovered capabilities... and I welcome you to the top of my list. edit delete reply
Arbiter: I had been wondering how you were going to do this reveal for a long time. Marvellously done! (And bonus points for using the phrase “Laters, P-Cake.”) edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: OH








COMIC edit delete reply
((Delta)): /message Admiral_Pancake I am still waiting. I have yet to detect that my request has been completed. Your counter-part does have explosives, correct?
/message Admiral_Pancake And yet I notice no communication between the two of you in quite some time. Why is that?
/message Admiral_Pancake Your incompetence reaches even between timelines, you couldn't even keep a man on life support alive. I am beginning to question my already tentative trust in you.
/message Admiral_Pancake You have to be the easiest to intercept. Most of the others had slight changes from place to place; passwords, security designs, friends... but you are far too predictable, always the same codes, names, allies, mistakes.
/message Admiral_Pancake Just get it done, before I have to find someone a little less picky about which part of the universe they destroy.
. . .
/message ThatOneVampChick Both our interests? I see no gain from my divulgation: only the loss of leverage.
/message ThatOneVampChick Tell me, what do you know about the destruction of alternate timelines?
. . .
/message _RSPTN_ Am I not good enough for you to speak to me directly? You foresee your last Christmas quickly approaching, and you find me not worthy as one of your last few messages, is that it?
/message _RSPTN_ Your namesake survived the initial poisoning, and yet you waver at the first prophecy you hear... pathetic.
/message _RSPTN_ I don't even ask that much of you... a little trust, maybe a few aircraft...
/message _RSPTN_ Cosmic luck will only take you so far.
. . .
/message Arbiter You have done well keeping this secret for me. You have earned my favor.
. . .
/message Xenocartographer I know when you are watching... and when you are not. Try breathing into a paper bag. edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: -popcorns-

Gosh I am hype for these pages... Arbiter did you really know?! edit delete reply
Arbiter: I figured it out about a month or so ago. He’d been dropping hints on the forums and in PMs to me for ages before that, I honestly felt like such a moron for taking so long to realize it. I’ll make all the PMs public now, since there’s no need to hide it anymore. Also, you might want to check out Padlock’s CF profile page...

EDIT: Here's the thread where I share the PMs. edit delete reply
Arbiter: You just had to message me directly, didn’t you? :P Great, that means that me knowing about this is canon. Keeping your identity secret out-of-universe is just respect for a good plot twist, doing the same in-universe is potential treason. I’m going to have to think about how I respond to this one, which is something I usually make a habit never to do. edit delete reply
Arbiter: Alright, I think I know how I'm going to respond to this now. First rule of improv: Always say "yes, and..."
. . .
/message ((Delta)) So I take it you've revealed yourself now?
/message ((Delta)) Well, that means it's only a matter of time before Xeno sees this conversation and includes it in one of the logs, and then it's basically game over for me. The council will think I'm a traitor, and there's a good chance Xeno will stop sending me logs, which will basically mean I can't interact with the characters anymore.
/message ((Delta)) I've "earned your favour"? Good. You know what I want. Show me how to access the logs without Xeno's approval like you can.
. . .
/message CONNECT 1200 Look, I'm not sure if what happened during Wildcat's conversation with Sonja was just a result of the general time bullshit surrounding that event or if you actually have the ability to see the logs before the rest of us can, but there's a possibility that you might already know what's going on with me, even before the log goes out.
/message CONNECT 1200 If that's the case, I want to leave this in your hands, because if you do have that ability then you need to read this before anyone else does. Hell, maybe if you're capable of reading the logs early, you might also be capable of reading the logs without Xeno's permission at all, and we desperately need more people who can do that.
/message CONNECT 1200 Share it with the rest of the council, okay? I'd tell you not to let Xeno see it, but that's pretty much guaranteed to happen no matter what.
/message CONNECT 1200 ...See you later, guys. It's been real.
. . .
OUT OF CHARACTER NOTES: Yeah, I know that link leads to a website that isn't up yet. I only bought the domain and hosting rights and uploaded the HTML code yesterday night, so it'll take a few days before all of the servers update and allow you to see it. I had hoped that it would be up by the time the next page comes out, at least for the North American server, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I've posted a copy of the message on the forum here, so Xeno, if you want to include this message in the next update feel free to use the forum link instead until the real webpage is up.
@Xeno In-character!Me has been speculating a lot that in-character!You is going to ban him from accessing the logs. I want you to know that if you want to make that a canon part of the plot (if indeed you even have that power in-universe), I'm perfectly okay with it. It's a logical reaction to finding out that one of your associates has been knowingly allowing an avowed enemy to infiltrate your ranks, and to be quite honest, all the melodrama I included in the message seems kind of pointless if nothing ends up happening. If in-character!Delta decides to show me how to access the logs without your permission then I'll still be able to interact with the comic, but he's allowed to decide not to if he so chooses (which would be totally in-character for him.) If that happens I'll stop interacting with the comic, and there won't be any hard feelings about it. I kind of feel like my indigo ass has been kind of hogging the spotlight lately, anyway.
If I still have any unresolved PMs you want to get to (like the one judge-of-character sent to Gaia), you can allow the judge-of-character alt account to continue to exist in-story so that I can interact with the plot that way. Feel free to transfer any PMs I sent as Arbiter to judge-of-character, if you need to, or just drop them completely if you want. I really don't mind.
I also want you to know that any hostility I expressed towards you in the linked message exists only in-universe. I wasn't kidding when I said that I think of you guys as my friends (to whatever extent a community of people who have for the most part never even seen each other in real life can be friends), but in reality that consideration extends to you and Delta/Padlock as well, not just my fellow members of the council.
Do what you think makes for the best story. edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: Oh, sweet lord Cthulhu. Even if someone were to steal all my notes and somehow crash CF for good, I'd consider Unichat a success. This was exactly the sort of thing I had hoped would happen, and it makes me very happy to see it. As for the rest, I'll PM you on our forum. edit delete reply
Arbiter: Should I have received that PM by now? It's cool if you haven't sent it yet, no rush or anything, but given the terrible luck I've been having lately I wouldn't be surprised at all if I just didn't receive it for some reason.
Also, the webpage I linked to is finally up! It took way longer than it should have because I messed up a bit of code, but it's fixed now! edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: Awww Arbiter...;~~~;


I'm hoping for no ban! What are you planning Xeno... edit delete reply
CONNECT 1200: /message Arbiter Sorry, you've got a wrong guy here. I just know what it feels like when your program starts working. Or when you finally get a song you knew was good but nobody liked arranged right. Or when you return from a new pitch and count your hat and wow it's twice your standing record.

/message Arbiter Not to mention my Siberian 'what you call hell he calls home' training in applied psychology.

/message Arbiter Otherwise, I only beat time just like the rest of us: with a big kick-drum. edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: HOLY SHIT

HAHAHAHAHA Xeno just texted me alerting me to this all in caps

I'm so amused and wow what a fucking plot twist holy shit
I feel like I need to go back and take a hard look at both the padlock and delta comments

I love how we somehow reached the point of plot twists existing in the reader comments wtf edit delete reply
RavenZeroak: wait, this comic is back online? oh my must be dreaming, I mean how many years has it been since comic went for seemingly infinite hiatus as aftermath for loosing the pages or something in server crash of host edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: Haha, woah! Welcome back! :) May I ask how you found me again? edit delete reply
Guest: wasnt that hard, had this page bookmarked before it went out, just casually checked if it was still giving error and lo the surprise unichat was back edit delete reply
RavenZeroak: Btw, do you think you could upload original pages of unichat somewhere (yeah I know this is reboot with slight modifications ...maybe if there was separated archive in site for em )? (assuming you have those stored and have permission to publish) edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: Unfortunately, I no longer have access to the original pages. edit delete reply
Guest: aww, suchks ... though understandable as well considering how it went out edit delete reply
RavenZeroak: btwm found first 15 pages of original unichat on web: https://unichat.deviantart.com/ (is this prehaps your deviantart accounts?) edit delete reply
Arbiter: Holy shit, we’ve all been worrying about our silly plot drama, meanwhile Zeroak’s down here working to unearth a piece of history! So this is “old Unichat”, eh? I’ve heard rumours, but I never thought I’d see it with my own eyes. You shouldn’t feel ashamed of this, Xeno, there’s some very funny dialogue here. Much better than anything in the cringetastic pile of Zelda fanfiction, Homestuck OCs, and angst-riddled song lyrics that is my early creative history. (As opposed to my cool recent creative history, which consists entirely of shitty MS Paint memes, 2-minute-long electronic tunes I whipped up using the cheapest DAW I could find, the first couple pages of several sci-fi epics, and some rather spirited roleplay as a grouchy, angsty purple dude.) edit delete reply
RavenZeroak: It's just sad that these 15 pages were all internet had ... I so wish rest of pages would be somewhere still but more or less by now giving up hope of finding em, especially if Xeno never made backup copies of em. edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: Yes, that was me. -sigh- edit delete reply
Little Guy: Welp, that happened! edit delete reply
RavenZeroak: bte xeno, I recall one of characters in original unichat continuously speaking in 1337 (appeared near end, was some major contract for chess club or something), will he return for reboot also? edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: That would be sentientconspirator, and no. I've made a point of moving away from that sort of irritating typing habit. Frequent typos? Sure, but a character who's defining personality trait, if you can call it that, is illegibility is a no-go. edit delete reply