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Updates Wednesday/Saturday, 8:30 PM EST
[Unichat log --]
/join #the-tea-room
(21:04)System: Now joining #the-tea-room.
/users --include_pending
System: Users in this channel:
System: ((Delta))
System: The Templar (ALIAS)
System: The Inquisitor (ALIAS)
System: The Executor ((ALIAS)) AWAY)
System: Arbiter (PENDING)
System: The Cavalry (ALIAS) (PENDING)
System: Unum_Relicuum (PENDING)
/status away; mood Heating-The-Kettle
System: Setting status to AWAY.
System: Mood message set.
(21:06)System: User Arbiter is joining #the-tea-room.
(21:06)Arbiter: Yet another shadowy figure invites me to some secret corner of the web for a little Unichitchat. Everyone and their pet ostrich is acting so cloak and dagger all the time.
(21:06)Arbiter: This better not be sketchy.
(21:06)Arbiter: ...
(21:08)Arbiter: Hoo boy, that memberlist. Unum-we-finally-figured-out-how-Latin-works-Relicuum? And some folks calling themselves "The Templar", "The Inquisitor", and "The Executor"?
(21:08)Arbiter: What kind of nicknames are those? Is this some sort of weird-[censored] game of D&D?
(21:08)Arbiter: Games night with international terrorists!
(21:08)Arbiter: Nyarlathotep's tentacley [censored], you try to illegally download Hot Fuzz one freaking time and this is the kind of thing you end up getting invited to!
(21:08)Arbiter: This had better not be an attempt to convert me to Gaia. If I'm gonna deal with... that, it's gotta be directly from the source.
(21:10)((Delta)): Gaia? What makes you think we are inviting you to join them? I do hope you accept our offer; "The Judge" does have a nice ring to it.
(21:10)((Delta)): P.S. Games night starts 8 PM at Templar's house.
(21:11)Arbiter: Well, Unum_Relicuum was invited, which makes me think this has something to do with Gaia. That guy doesn't really strike me as the type to have many hobbies outside of indoctrinating people, blowing stuff up, reading a Latin-English dictionary, and being blue.
(21:11)Arbiter: But "The Judge" is a pretty dope-sounding name, and it certainly matches the theme of dark justice that Quizi and Ex over there seem to be setting up...
(21:11)Arbiter: (Can I call them that? "The Inquisitor" and "The Executor" are too long to type every time.)
(21:11)Arbiter: I'll admit, I'm curious. What exactly is this for, if not to convert me to Gaia?
(21:12)((Delta)): To keep my friends close, and enemies closer.
(21:13)Arbiter: You want to keep your friends close and your enemies closer, eh? And which one of those groups do you consider me a part of?
(21:16)Arbiter: I must admit, I don't exactly pick up the friendliest vibe from you. As gracious as it was of you to invite me to drink tea with you and your collection of the Internet's finest edgelords, there's a rumour going around that you've been talking [censored] to a certain creepy crimson crepe.
(21:16)Arbiter: I don't know what you think my connection with certain other individuals is, but I can say this: I'm a man who enjoys a good prank every now and again, and I admire others who feel the same. But certain rumoured actions of yours make it seem that you aren't happy with letting people have fun on the Internet, and I kind of wonder why. Do you feel threatened in some way?
(21:17)((Delta)): You're a little of both. As for my "vibe"; well I am about to get your friend back aren't I?
(21:18)Arbiter: What do you mean, you're going to get my friend back?
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[Unichat auxiliary records --]
Xenocartographer (Official Note): Ooooooh boy. Well, looks like I'm finally getting to that tea room RP from forever ago. I didn't quite get to everything here, but I promise, it'll be taken care of soon.

And then time travel happens. I hope you're hype for that, because it's sufficiently cool that I'm hyping it up ahead of time.
Arbiter: WOOOOOOOO! THE TEA ROOM RP IS CANON! I freaking love this. Even if it does mean that Pancake knows about the conspiracy now.

P.S. Xeno, I hate to mention this, since I know you've already spent god knows how long trying to deal with errors pertaining to Delta's username, but for the first bit of this page Delta's name gets framed by underscores like Rasputin's does instead of parentheses like usual. edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: Sonja's plural gods dammit, how did I not catch that one? (I blame Etamnanki.) edit delete reply
Arbiter: (Also I end up saying Delta's line about keeping friends close and enemies closer. As cool as such an ominous line makes me sound, the mood is somewhat ruined by the fact that I end up looking like I'm talking to myself.) edit delete reply
((Delta)): /message Admiral_Pancake I figured after the moon the earth wouldn't be too far of a stretch... but if you truly are incapable of such a simple request - well, you know what I'll do~
/message _RSPTN_ Dodging my question, eh? Didn't think an honest man needed loopholes from their own honesty. Guess it's true what they say~
/message OITHEOI Oh, but isn't the mystery all the more fun? Don't bother calling me, I'll call you.
/block OITHEOI
/message Arbiter You seem to misunderstand me - when I told Unum_Relicuum that we shared ideals I did not lie; I too wish to bring about the end in my own way.
/message ReverseTheStreams Ever watched the shopping channel before? Because this offer expires soon. $120K starting, $240K upon completion. edit delete reply
Arbiter: /message ((Delta)) Ah, I see. Yet another apocalypse fanboy. Like we didn't have enough of those already.
/message ((Delta)) Are you expecting me to want to help you try to end the world? You did contact me personally, and you even gave me a snappy nickname that matches your grim cohorts.
/message ((Delta)) Thing is, buddy, I kind of like existence. What can I say, it's all I've ever known, and I've grown kind of fond of it.
/message ((Delta)) Not to mention that all my favourite stuff is here. How am I going to watch Hot Fuzz if the world has ended?
/message ((Delta)) And as little as this idea appeals to real Arbiter, hypothetical Arbiter would be even less thrilled to work with you if he knew that you had, let's say, sold him and his hypothetical friends out to the closest thing to a real life Bond villain since Elon Musk.
/message ((Delta)) If this is a sales pitch to get me on your side, it really, really sucks.
/message ((Delta)) Can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't end this conversation right now? edit delete reply
SansTheComic: what's wrong with Elon Musk? lol (ooc) edit delete reply
Arbiter: Elon Musk is a treasure of a human being, but you have to admit that if there's anyone out there who has the capacity to build a secret underwater base from which to broadcast threatening messages as he holds the world hostage with his awesome weapons of vaguely-scientific-sounding mass destruction it's him. Even the name fits. edit delete reply
SansTheComic: point taken. edit delete reply
((Delta)): /message Arbiter You gave MrE the benefit of the doubt, why not me? I do not want to bring about the end, I want to create the beginning - in a less religious context than our mutual nuisance the Gaians of course. Fools, the lot of them.
edit delete reply
Arbiter: Warning: Angry Arbiter roleplay incoming.
/message ((Delta)) I'd be careful about talking shit about the Gaians if I were you, since you're currently trying to negotiate with them. Wouldn't it suck if someone were to sell you out? Wouldn't that be just such a fucking shitty thing to do?
/message ((Delta)) Not that I'd do such a thing, of course! I have standards.
/message ((Delta)) Oh, so you want to end the world so you can start a new beginning! Oh, that's okay then! Totally worth all the death and destruction that will ensue!
/message ((Delta)) And when we do this hard reset on the universe, are we going to "make the new world in our image" or some other such crap?
/message ((Delta)) What a terrifying thought. A couple of megalomaniacs like us in charge of a whole universe? Yikes, it's a good thing the whole idea of ending the world to start a new beginning makes no damn sense at all, because otherwise the thought alone would haunt my nightmares.
/message ((Delta)) And I don't know who this MrE guy is, but there's no way I could have possibly given him anywhere near as much benefit of the doubt as I've already given you. You invited me into a chat room with Gaians, greeted me with vague threats, refused to answer any of my questions, pissed off for hours so you could "await a response from some tech geniuses" as if you can't carry on two conversations at once, and asked me to help you destroy the world and then put it back together.
/message ((Delta)) There was another thing you did that pissed me off too, but I'm having trouble remembering what it is. Any idea what it might be?
/message ((Delta)) And after all that, you ask me to give you "the benefit of the doubt"?! I deserve to be motherfucking canonized just for having the patience to stick around this long! edit delete reply
((Delta)): /message Arbiter I have remained cool-headed while you shout expletives at me. Through all of your rants I have remained nothing if not polite. You hate me for giving up the location of your [censored] playhouse? Get. A. New. One. I still gain points from Panak, you still get to have 'conspiracy club' with your other armchair schemers. I figured that a solution so [censored] simple wouldn't need any explanation...
/message Arbiter And now it's my turn to give you a hypothetical:
/message Arbiter Two villages are in constant battle, killing each-other perpetually. Now tell me; would they still fight if they were both conquered by the same nation? No. They would be the same nation, the same blood.
/message Arbiter I do not wish to destroy earth, or it's people. I want to destroy the powers that govern it from the shadows. The oligarchs, religious zealots, and tyrants of wealth that tread upon the every-man. I want to tear down the borders and unite all as the same blood.
/message Arbiter You may not appreciate my methods, but your opinion does not change the fact that there will always be someone who will question the status quo - if you ruin me, a hundred more will take my place fighting for their families and neighbors. I simply got this far first, and that is a fact the significance of which I have never forgotten. Go ahead and hate what I do, disprove of my actions, and fight me every step of the way. Only killing me will stop me. edit delete reply
Arbiter: /message ((Delta)) I...
/message ((Delta)) You...
/message ((Delta)) Uh...
/message ((Delta)) Okay, so in my experience what usually ends up happening after I give someone a lengthy rant about why they suck and they proceed to serve my ass to me like a filet mignon is that we continue to bicker back and forth for an exorbitant amount of time and then end up working together in some bitter, reluctant way.
/message ((Delta)) But honestly, I'm feeling pretty exhausted right now, so if it's alright with you I'm just going to sort of fast-forward through the bickering part.
/message ((Delta)) Blah blah blah, I hate you, blah blah blah, how many times do I have to tell you I'm not in a conspiracy, blah blah blah, I still don't trust you by the way, expletive expletive, you suck.
/message ((Delta)) There, now that that's out of the way, we're at the part where I can express curiosity in what it is you're actually planning to do.
/message ((Delta)) So, um, two hypothetical questions. 1. If you had hypothetically instructed someone to, I don't know, destroy the Earth or a large portion thereof, what purpose would that serve in the ultimate plan and how could one attempt to justify that in relation to the greater good?
/message ((Delta)) And 2. Let's say that I hypothetically did trust you enough to cooperate with you, which for the record I don't. What would you want me to do? edit delete reply
((Delta)): /message Arbiter 1 - Tell me, if damage sustained to the moon only blocked atmospherically transmissions: to what degree would the earth scramble ground communications? Not to mention that this hypothetical moon and earth were only damaged in a possible timeline, and if that future were to change; all potential harm would be undone. Correct?
/message Arbiter 2 - My plan is already in motion, I am simply waiting for the pendulum to swing back. After your first set of expletive-laced responses; my plans have changed, I no longer require you as my spy in the council. Though you are sill welcome to games night.
/message Arbiter Any further communications should take place in a more - ahem - private location... edit delete reply
Arbiter: /message ((Delta)) Hmmm, okay... edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: -snerk-
The Tea Room stuff really makes for a fun bit of kahmicness~

"dear Seabiscuit"!

OKAY, GUYS GUYS GUYS. I decided something:

Bulwark and Pwnz are clearly destined for OTP. Why? IDK, it fits, and Pwnz/Meta clearly has too many issues to work out long term.

I wanna message Pwnz to get him to contact Bulwark (after this whole larning 2 pwnz tiem thing anyways). What should I say though to convince him?~ edit delete reply
Arbiter: XD If the Chess Club stops listening to us when they find out about the conspiracy and we lose what little ability we have to enact meaningful change to the plot, we need to devote the entirety of our energy to making sure our ships become canon.
Really, all this Chess Club nonsense has just been distracting us from our real purpose. edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: You're not as wrong as you think. edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: LMFAO so true

I'd give my left leg to see Ana/Meta and Pwnz/Bulwark edit delete reply
SansTheComic: um. so sonja... hm. edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: What about her~? edit delete reply
Padlock: Man, been busy with schoolwork recently so I've missed a few pages and just caught up, and HOLY-[censored] did I miss alot! I got soldout by ((Delta))?! edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: It seems that way! Of course, we've yet to see Rasputin's reaction. edit delete reply
Mini_coopa2: so 𝚫 has finally shown their hand, eh?
/set alias ThePiercing†
(this is implied to be for sonja's athena in current-time)
/Message SecundaSonja You have no reason to trust me, but i have important information for you.
/message SecundaSonja You are currently in the custody of a alternate version of the Entrepreneur Eugene Panak, Whos current goal is world domination of succesive alternate realities
/Message SecundaSonja If you are able, i would recommend going over the possible avenues of escape through shuttle-craft, as the Moonbase has shown capability to transfer people from Luna To Earth. edit delete reply
Mini_coopa2: just as a note the typographical symbol i used in the alias (†) is a Dagger, if 𝚫 can use typographical symbols, so can we! edit delete reply
Unichat © Patrick "Xenocartographer" Coffman | Hosted on ComicFury