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[Unichat log --]
/setalias --alias="General_Waffle"
(01:09)System: Alias set. Note that users of moderator rank or above may bypass your alias.
/plugin on @setdimension
System: Incoming private message from user System:
(01:09)System: /setdimension plugin active. USAGE: /setdimension [-d | --dimension] EFFECT: Displays a fun, dimension-shifting message, suitable for roleplaying or silly pranks! Yet another fine Acme Systems Product!
/join #legitimate-offer-cave
(01:10)System: Now joining #legitimate-offer-cave.
(01:10)System: Padlock invited active user Admiral Pancake to join this anonymous channel.
(01:10)System: User Admiral Pancake is joining #legitimate-offer-cave.
(01:12)General_Waffle: Salutations my extra-dimensional alternative! I come as a courier of a most interesting piece of dimensional information! As a high ranking member of The Checkers Club this information I do not share lightly!
/setalias --alias="Waffle_Major_General"
/setdimension --dimension="8937-2"
System: Incoming private message from user System:
(01:13)System: Your messages will render with an alternate, "interdimensional" syntax. What everyone else in this channel saw is:
(01:13)System: Receiving contact from dimension 8937-2!
01:13 AM | Waffle_Major_General | What my alternate means is; we offer you the chatlogs of nearly any one of your opponents...
/setalias --alias="ObnoxiouslyLoudSchemer"
/setdimension return
System: Incoming private message from user System:
(01:14)System: Your messages will render with normal syntax again.
(01:14)ObnoxiouslyLoudSchemer: Oh, Waffle dearest! Aren't you ever coming to bed?
/setalias --alias="General_Waffle"
(01:15)General_Waffle: Not now honey! I'm trying to trade information with an alternate and inevitably betray them like always because I'm a huge jerk!
(01:16)General_Waffle: . . .
/setalias --alias="Waffle_Major_General"
/setdimension --dimension="8937-2"
(01:13)System: Your message will render with an alternate, "interdimensional" syntax. What everyone else in this channel saw is:)
(01:13)System: Receiving contact from dimension 8937-2!
1:17 AM | Waffle_Major_General | . . .
/setalias --alias="General_Waffle"
/setdimension return
System: Incoming private message from user System:
(01:14)System: Your messages will render with normal syntax again.
(1:18)General_Waffle: Did I forget to make this a private chat again?
/setalias --alias="Padlock"
(01:19)System: Alias cleared.
(01:19)Padlock: That's you. That's what you sound like.
/message OITHEOI I think we may have another clue to the identity of that troll that's been targeting us.
System: Incoming private message from user OITHEOI:
(05:42)OITHEOI: Why are you telling me this?
/message reply Because they're smug and annoying, and not in the way that makes me want to be their world domination rival.
System: Incoming private message from user OITHEOI:
(05:44)OITHEOI: Agreed.
[Unichat log --]
/beep --at_user=Padlock
(06:12)System: User Padlock is joining #vague-omnipresent-council.
(06:12)Padlock: Is this important? I was up all night annoying Pancake...
(06:13)SansOfTheUnderground: it's pretty important.
(06:14)Arbiter: I'm having trouble getting the log to render.
(06:15)SansOfTheUnderground: [censored].
(06:16)Arbiter: No, just old-school technical difficulties. Unichat keeps prompting me to update :/
(06:17)Xenocartographer: Didn't we leave that behind in, y'know, the even worse part of the century?
(06:18)Seabiscuit: Omg Xeno
(06:18)Seabiscuit: You're a person again <3
(06:18)Xenocartographer: I usually am! But- yeah, okay, yeah.
(06:18)Mini_coopa2: what about the Guy that went on Unichat and told Pancake we care about the Griddle? was that you, Padlock?
(06:19)Padlock: Huh?
(06:19)Mini_coopa2: "/message Admiral Pancake Does your orbital facility block all connections or only ground-based ones? https://i.imgur.com/J1uvrv8.jpg"
(06:20)Padlock: No, that wasn't me. Whoever they are, we should probably make contact...
(06:20)Arbiter: Got it!
[Unichat log --]
/message Admiral Pancake Greetings. I do hope this message arrives to you in good health. If I may introduce myself: I am ((Delta)). I come offering you a proposition: I do believe that we both have been bothered by a string of people knowing far more than they should about private engagements, and I believe that we can both agree that their interference is quite the nuisance. May I interest you in some information? I am under the belief that knowledge is power - so know that I do not offer power lightly.
System: Incoming private message from user Admiral Pancake:
(03:20)Admiral Pancake: And now we get to the payoff for your... attention. Fine. What do you want?
[Unichat log --]
(06:23)Padlock: Well... that's bad.
(06:23)Arbiter: Hah. That's not you either, is it?
(06:23)Padlock: Nope. Wouldn't you be able to see through my aliases if it was?
(06:24)SansOfTheUnderground: iirc, yes.
(06:25)Arbiter: Well, whoever they are, Pancake's convinced they're you, and that your troll messages were paving the way for this contact. And he may or may not have told Theo. And they're about to give the entire conspiracy away!
(06:26)SansOfTheUnderground: xeno, can we get a log from pancake and theo to narrow down what he's told him?
(??:??)Xenocartographer: Further information is unavailable here.
(06:27)Arbiter: GOD DAMN IT!!!
Leave a comment
[Unichat auxiliary records --]
Xenocartographer (Official Note): Fun fact: Actually using ((Delta))'s username in a page broke the script for handling non-word characters in usernames so badly it took fork(3) with it, leaving a mess of zombie processes in the process list. Clearly, this is some Gaia bull[censored].
((Delta)): /message Admiral_Pancake I want us to work together. Your comment implies that their bothersome antics continue; I offer you closure to that problem. You could turn me away, but then I'd just have to find someone else wouldn't I? Your choice Panak; I'm already typing Theodore's username... edit delete reply
((Delta)): /message _RSPTN_ I hear you are a man of your word correct? Tell me: can you keep a secret? edit delete reply
Wildcat: *watches with interest* edit delete reply
Wildcat: *Watching intensifies* edit delete reply
Arbiter: Hey Xeno, was the little Tea Room roleplay that Delta and I had in the comments section a little while ago canon? Because I think that that could be relevant here. edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: It's not canon until it's in a page. That said, I've said before that anything that gets said "in character" will become canon, so... edit delete reply
Arbiter: Hmmm... Well, if that conversation stands a chance of becoming canon, maybe it would be a good idea for Delta and I to pick up where we left off.
/message ((Delta)) You want to keep your friends close and your enemies closer, eh? And which one of those groups do you consider me a part of?
/message ((Delta)) I must admit, I don't exactly pick up the friendliest vibe from you. As gracious as it was of you to invite me to drink tea with you and your collection of the Internet's finest edgelords, there's a rumour going around that you've been talking [censored] to a certain creepy crimson crepe.
/message ((Delta)) I don't know what you think my connection with certain other individuals is, but I can say this: I'm a man who enjoys a good prank every now and again, and I admire others who feel the same. But certain rumoured actions of yours make it seem that you aren't happy with letting people have fun on the Internet, and I kind of wonder why. Do you feel threatened in some way? edit delete reply
((Delta)): /message Arbiter You're a little of both. As for my "vibe"; well I am about to get your friend back aren't I? edit delete reply
Arbiter: /message ((Delta)) What do you mean, you're going to get my friend back? edit delete reply
Arbiter: Well, balls. edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: Delta and Pancake vs Theo and Arbiter? edit delete reply
SansOfTheUnderground: ok, before i start, i just have to make one thing clear.
this is not real life.
this is a story, and some of it might be inaccurate, and some of it might be missing, and some of it might be just plain wrong.
take it with a pinch of salt. yes, it's important. yes, you'll want to hear it all.
once upon a time
suppose some people tried to take over the world.
and suppose some other people fought them and foiled them and tried and failed to, and they fought within themselves for more future control, and wow that was a lot of fs
people have compared to it to chess, but i prefer to compare it to risk
like a giant game of risk, only with the moon to play for too, and mind control and ais and time travel armies and the players make and break rules and team up and backstab each other
a really, really realistic game, with everyone you know and everyone you don’t in, friends and family and all.
actually, a dream would probably be a better analogy...
suppose sonja in the dream made an ai, like in all the science fiction novels
and suppose one of the risk players wanted to get a new shiny piece, a new army, for example… an ai.
and the player wasn’t a very nice person.
and suppose, just hypothetically, purely in the realm of thought, that that metampsychotic randomly got the thought from no one at all to beep her good friend, dream-sonja.
what would that meta do?
edit delete reply
Wildcat: Are you suggesting we be thinking about Etamnanki? edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: Ohhh gosh that Pancake trolling made me laugh so hard

The best part is Pancake not even responding, just immediately going to pester Theo
He's so done with this shit edit delete reply
The44th: Fascinating. edit delete reply
Arbiter: Oh, I've been meaning to ask, did Delta's comment show up as the admin's colour and The44th's comment show up as Delta's colour because Delta's name broke the code? edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: Screw me. The44th's was a copy-paste failure; Delta's is... harder. (It's not the rogue admin's color, though, so much as it is the default text color. Look at the source for any page where the rogue admin shows up - they don't have a color set.) edit delete reply
SansOfTheUnderground: so... is this just 1/week now? doesn't seem to have updated on saturdays for a bit. edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: College is hard. edit delete reply
Unichat © Patrick Coffman | Hosted on ComicFury