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Updates Wednesday and Saturday at 8:30 PM EST
[Unichat log --]
resolving server name...
found server holding-cell-07.private.the-griddle.orbit
connection established
(00:47)Pancomputer: This is holding cell seven (7). Lavoratory facilities are located at the rear of this holding cell. Food is being withheld until you authenticate.
/auth SonjaOfTheMoon
Password: *****************
(02:28)Pancomputer: Authentication successful!
(02:28)Pancomputer: Welcome, SonjaOfTheMoon! You resisted for a little under two (2) hours.
(02:28)Pancomputer: That puts you in the bottom twelve (12) percent of abductees! Well done!
(02:28)Pancomputer: You have one (1) unread private message. Do you wish to view your inbox?
> No
(02:30)Pancomputer: Yes you do.
(02:30)Pancomputer: You have 1 new message and 0 old messages.
(02:30)Pancomputer: Displaying message one (1) of three (3)...
19 Aug 2083 (Yesterday)
(16:12)silentconspirator: Good morning (or whenever), Sonja! I hope you find your accommodations to your liking, since with any luck, you'll be here for a while. My name's Matilda (call me Mattie), and I'll be your jailer during your stay here.
(16:12)silentconspirator: We've already gotten your AI slaved to our system, so that's taken care of. Don't worry, we haven't broken anything (but we've taken your backups too, just in case). It will be uploaded to this system juuuuuust as soon as we're sure it can't stab us in the back too much. You'll need it during this upcoming exercise - if nothing else, it will help keep you sane with no one to talk to. Anyway! Enough pleasantries; let's get down to business.
(16:14)silentconspirator: If you look in your home directory, you'll find an @hena library. It has some... interesting vacuum perturbation capabilities - you know all about those, according to your chat logs, so I won't waste your time telling you things you already know - and Eugene thinks you're the secret to cracking them.
(16:14)silentconspirator: Your task is to break out of this cell. :) Man pages, server space, and caffeinated beverages are available at your request, but I'm afraid actual food is contingent on you escaping. How's that for motivation?
[Unichat log --]
(14:07)MrE: I demand to know where I am!
(14:07)metampsychotic: mr. kouri! you have to relax, sir!
(14:07)MrE: Erica? What are you- did they take-
(14:07)not metampsychotic: my name is anika. please, stop struggling!
(14:07)Do I know this guy: You've had an accident. We're here to help. You're on the Russian transport-
(14:08)MrE: Then why don't you sound Russian?! I DEMAND ANSWERS!
(14:08)Do I know this guy: He's delirious, probably hallucinating. Dope him.
(14:08)not metampsychotic: aye-
(14:08)MrE: I am no such-
(14:08)not metampsychotic: angry-sounding russian
(14:08)Do I know this guy: russian russian russian
(14:08)not metampsychotic: russian but less angry
(14:09)MrE: What are you doing with that nee
Leave a comment
[Unichat auxiliary records --]
Xenocartographer (Official Note): In less dramatic news, Unichat turns 100 pages old today! Quick, someone ASCII-art a cake!
RealmLord: * * *
| | |
[~~~~~~~] edit delete reply
SansTheComic: holy crap i think athena is etamnanki

0_0 edit delete reply
Arbiter: "You have 1 new message and 0 new messages. Displaying message one (1) of three (3)..." How many messages? Zero, one, or three? Either imprisonment has messed with Sonja's head enough to affect her ability to process numbers, or this section needs to be revised. edit delete reply
SansTheComic: fairly certain this is etamnanki being etamnanki. edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: That should be "zero old messages" :/ but one vs. three is something else (though pretty mundane) - it'll become clear soon. edit delete reply
Arbiter: I'm terrified by the fact that Pancake has apparently kidnapped enough people that he requires at least seven holding cells and he's been able to collect statistics about how long they resist authenticating. edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: "(02:28)Pancomputer: That puts you in the bottom twelve (12) percent of abductees! Well done!"
"(02:30)Pancomputer: Yes you do."

-snerk-... Did Silent write these lines? They seem a bit too positive for Pancake~

I really adore how MrE's hallucinations were written in comic form somehow, and the 'Russian' dialogue is hysterical~~ Is one of them who Vampire hijacked? Were there other survivors?:c edit delete reply
Xenocartographer: The mindfuckery is silent's doing, yup! edit delete reply
Wildcat2: /message SonjaOfTheMoon Can you hear me? edit delete reply
Wildcat2: If I ever use a third Variation on "wildcat" and it isn't yellow adjacent I'm going to be very disappointed.
Anyway, if that doesn't work I want to try this:
/connect holding-cell-07.private.the-gridle.orbit
/message SonjaOfTheMoon Can you hear me? edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: Ohh, I hope this works. I wonder if Sonja remembers that little PM?~ Well, she has plenty of quiet time by herself to think.;) edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: Ohohoh! Theo needs an "I told ya so" too! edit delete reply
Arbiter: /message OITHEOI Congratulations on your successful kidnapping op, you blue [censored]hole.
/message OITHEOI You got an achievement: Abduct an Old Man!
/message OITHEOI What is he to you? A bargaining chip? A trophy? Revenge? Or do you just want him to owe you a favour for "rescuing" him?
/message OITHEOI Or did you just want to play musical hostages with your buddy Pancake?
/message OITHEOI I mean, that must have been your plan, right, since you knew he was on the moon? Arrange some sort of sick trade, orange for purple?
/message OITHEOI Of course orange guys don't exactly have the longest lifespan when Eugene's involved, but that probably doesn't matter to a sick [censored] like you either, does it?
/message OITHEOI One little problem with that plan though, MrE doesn't have a nifty little AI on his computer, so looks like it's not quite a fair trade.
/message OITHEOI So great job, genius, now he's got two. Yeah, that's right, he still has the other one from before that you didn't believe me about.
/message OITHEOI But don't feel too bad about it. At least you succeeded in kidnapping some poor girl's father.
/message OITHEOI Why don't you brag to your friends Sonja and bloodshoes about how cool you are?
/message OITHEOI Or better yet, why don't you brag to Karl! Tell him everything. You've certainly had no problem doing that so far!
/message OITHEOI Then when you've done all that, go [censored] yourself. Perfect way to end the day. edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: -SNERK-
50/10 did not disappoint

"/message OITHEOI Or did you just want to play musical hostages with your buddy Pancake?"

Best part~~ Oh! He probably doesn't know about Bloodshoes dying, let him know this too~~~~ ;) edit delete reply
Arbiter: "Orange guys don't exactly have the longest lifespan when Eugene's involved"
"Why don't you brag to your friends Sonja and bloodshoes about it?"
Let's see if he figures it out himself. My guess is "no". And then when he does find out, he'll feel dumb for missing my hints. ;)


Holy crap that sounded evil. O_O edit delete reply
Wildcat: /join #moon-butt
I'm sure you've noticed that Sonja is missing by now.
Before you ask, no, it wasn't me.
But please tell me EP is still around. edit delete reply
Wildcat: I feel like I should say more considering the time constraints, but I have no idea what I would say and I want to encrypt the conversation before telling them what happened. edit delete reply
Seabiscuit: Woah! No one tried joining their channel yet I think- Niiiice~ I wonder if that'll work? ... I wonder if people can join the silent conspiracy channel -snerk- edit delete reply
Wildcat: We could try inviting them, but I'm not sure I want them to know who all is in our group. edit delete reply
Wildcat: Alright, I'm gonna post this here as this hasn't been resolved yet. Assuming that I can get on the channel and the kids don't just kick me off and are receptive to me giving them information, I want to try to get pwnz0rz, EntropicPhantom and metampsychotic on the chat then do this:
/log encrypt --stealth
(and tell them the following in more or less these words)
First, Meta, the attack on the Satirical was carried out by OITHEOI as a favor to GoO. As far as I know your father is still alive.
As for Sonja, she was taken by Pancake. I believe he wants her AI, and that he has her in a holding cell in orbit somewhere.
(If EP is missing and they ask me about it)
I don't know what happened. Only that he was in danger.
(After the sensitive stuff has been said)
/log no-encrypt --stealth
(I am willing to elaborate and add details, especially that Pancake seems to be interested in all of them, but I think his is about as good as I can do until some conversation happens.) edit delete reply
CONNECT 1200: NB: Sonja's real Unichat password is 22 chars (see pp. 1 & 2), this one's only 17.

Never enter your real passwords when abducted by a hostile spacecraft, kids. Never ever. edit delete reply


GOLD FUCKING STAR edit delete reply
CONNECT 1200: *feels starred* edit delete reply